


Self Aware

by Jameson9101322



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Gen, One Shot, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 09:56:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3973753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jameson9101322/pseuds/Jameson9101322
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ghastly thinks too much about his lot in life. <br/>One-shot. No direct spoilers but serious foreshadowing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self Aware

SELF AWARE  
~~~  
“I’m doomed,” Ghastly said.  
  
Skulduggery watched the road a moment before responding. “Pardon?”  
  
“I’m doomed. I am a dead man.”  
  
“I know you are, I led the squad.”  
“No like I’m actually going to die.” The scarred man groaned and leaned forward from the back seat. “You know those movies the mortals make? All those spy, adventure, detective stories?”  
  
“You mean James Bond?”  
  
“And Dick Tracey and Humphrey Bogart and Quentin Tarantino.”  
  
“What’s so deadly about those?”  
  
“I watch a lot of them,” he said. “They’re great. The stakes are really high – not high like our stakes tend to be with the end of the world coming round every couple years, but more immediate, you know? Life is really precious to mortals and every little bit of it is important. And there’s all these heroes and sidekicks hanging around.”  
  
“Your point?”  
  
“In all these movies there’s a batch of reoccurring characters. And if this car we’re sitting in right now were a movie. You would be the hero, Gordon would be the sidekick.”  
  
The author in the passenger seat saluted. “Second fiddle and proud.”  
  
“And I’m doomed.”  
  
“I hardly see what movies have to do with you dying,” said Skulduggery.  
  
“The writing’s on the wall,” Ghastly replied. “I’m a nice guy. I’m handy – I equip you, I armor you – sometimes I tag along to punch people, much like tonight. Great punching tonight, by the way. Good workout.”  
  
“Naturally.”  
  
“So I’m doomed.”  
  
“‘Because of the punching?”  
  
“Because of the rest!” Ghastly slouched. “Gordon gets it, he’s a novelist. I’m not imagining this, right?”  
  
“You mean you as the support character? No, you’re pretty spot on."  
  
"In all the books you’ve written based on our lives, how many have I been in?”  
  
“A couple under different names.”  
  
“And how often have I died?”  
  
Gordon’s lips pressed so tight they nearly vanished into his face.  
  
Ghastly rubbed his fingers down his scars. “I was doomed from the start.”  
  
“Real life isn’t a book, though.” Gordon turned in his seat. “Books take dramatic turns. Support guys are easy fodder, because they aren’t the main cast. It’s like taking out the girlfriend or the dog. You snap the reader’s heartstrings because it’s the one guy in the book who deserved better.”  
  
“That’s my point! I’m that guy!”  
  
“Thinking a bit high of yourself, aren’t you?” Skulduggery chuffed. “You’re the sacrificial lamb that everybody adores?”  
  
“I didn’t use so many words… I mean, I try to keep a reputation.”  
  
“Among conscious human beings.” Skulduggery adjusted the rear-view mirror to look at him. “You’re too much in your head, Ghastly. Unless you count Gordon’s fanbase, there isn’t some invisible audience reading about our exploits. No one’s leaning on their hand and sighing while they doodle your name in hearts on their schoolwork. You’re a common sorcerer like everyone else. You’ve got a shop and a job and a network of relationships with as much bureaucracy and romance as any of the rest of us. There is no target on your back.”  
  
“Easy for you to say.”  
  
“Look, you’re the main character of your own life, not a supporting character in mine.”  
  
“Even if you’re a trope," Gordon snickered.  
  
Ghastly sneered at him. "Thanks.”  
  
“Enough.” Skulduggery’s velvet tone sharpened. “Nothing’s going to happen and if it tries, I won’t let it.”  
  
“I think he means it.” Gordon said.  
  
Ghastly slouched further with a sigh. “Yeah, okay. Perhaps you’re right.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
“I’ve still got a bad feeling.” Ghastly mulled. “Something about fate.”  
  
“Just don’t play the hero,” Gordon said. “The minute the support character gets too big for the page, it’s the author’s job to off him in high dramatic fashion. It’s all pathos, you know it? A big blaze of glory. How often do Tarantino films murder the one morally right guy in a fit of ironic symbolism? Be smart – don’t jump in front of a bus for someone.”  
  
“But what if it was going to hit them?”  
  
The author smirked again. “Never mind, my good man. You were right the first time. Skulduggery’s the leading man, I’m the plucky sidekick and you, you bleeding heart, are definitely doomed.”


End file.
